(no subject)

Dear bra makers: please make your cup sizes consistent. It makes no sense that cup wise, 36A=34B=32C etc. Really. It doesn't. Bigger people can have little boobs, and thinner people can have big boobs. Change the band size, but leave the cup size the same, thanks.

I'm fairly small chested. I couldn't even buy my first "real" bra (ie, not a sports bra) until my early twenties. The A-cups in my band size were humongous! Seriously, they could swallow so many of my boobs. They gave my boobs the most awkward point because they were built to hold some fat in there, whereas hello, I didn't have any. It was ridiculous. Why is an A anything but almost flat? Finally, they grew just enough that I could get by wearing a 36A. The band was really tight, and the cup still too big, but whatever.

Another gripe is that stores rarely carry an A from 36 and upwards. Of course. Not that I wanted a bigger band size though, I'm pretty sure my head could fit in a 38A.

Now I've lost weight and my bra straps keep falling off, so back to shopping for me. I'm now between a 30C and 32C. WTF. My boobs are the same size. They have not grown. If anything, they've shrunk. But these cups fit me so well, because they're still smaller than the cup for a 36A. It boggles my mind. I see 30A and 30B and man, I wish those cup sizes existed for larger bands back when I was younger. Not to mention, what do women my size with average sized breasts do if I'm a C?

Now my issue is that stores don't carry 30 or even 32, and if they do it's only A and maybe B.


Speaking of fitting into some cups now, I now own my very first bikini! It was really uncomfortable at the store having to walk out of the fitting rooms to see how it looked and having people watch and comment. But hey, I own one now, and feel confident enough to wear one. (Abs, I'm coming for you). I have no idea yet what I'm going to do with my stomach hair though. (My family made me shave it once as a little kid because it was ~embarrassing~, which caused a decade long battle with ingrowns. I've now finally removed all but one ingrown, but I have bald spots where my hair is thick and black, and it looks really bizarre.) I've tried bleaching that area, but my regular hair is still pretty dark so that looks weird. I can't shave or wax it for fear of yet another long hair battle. I've lost the leg battle; I'm now getting laser hair removal and then soon laser scar removal.

By the way, laser hair removal is awesome. I've decided that once I start working, I'm just getting everything lasered off. It'll average to $200/month. I'm just so tired of all these ingrowns, infections, and then ultimately scars.


Brag spot: Someone at the gym, who wasn't even flirting, asked if I compete professionally. It was the biggest ego boost I've had in a while. I can only wish I was that strong or lean or muscular! Recently I reached one of my goals: deadlift 100 pounds. I can do that for 4 reps only right now. I know considering how long I've been strength training that's still painfully low, but I'm still proud of that. I'll just blame being in a caloric deficit right? Next up is 100 pound squats!

(no subject)

Lately I've been feeling like an old woman. I'm hunched over, my back and neck always hurt, and I can't sit for more than 2 hours without being in pain. I can't believe such a small car accident did all this to me. Last week was my final week of free therapy, and my physiotherapist is trying to extend it, but I doubt it'll go through, considering my car insurance is now dropping me.

I always assumed the other person's insurance is paying for my treatment, but now I'm not so sure. My insurance called me up to say my car is high-risk and they won't cover it anymore. Uh. Sure, my car's sporty, but it has a baby V6 and they cover BMWs and even Ferraris. Oh yeah, how about that 5 star safety rating on it, the fact it's never been involved in any accident, and has been cleared as a safe vehicle when I imported it into Canada. Oh, and the damn fact it's been in storage for over a year, yeah, how risky is that? As for me, I've never caused an accident, never even been in one as a driver, never had a ticket, and very rarely drive because my car's in storage. WTF risk are they talking about?

Fuck you TD insurance. You exist to pay people when they get hurt because that's why we pay you. Your risky excuse is BS.

Also no, I won't keep Kiel's car with you or my apartment. WTF are you thinking? Why would I keep anything with you? Also, a big fuck you for trying to inform me sooner about this by sending mail to my husband only and calling him and refusing to talk directly to me. Hello! The car is in my name, not his! In fact, because it's a temporary import he's not even legally allowed to drive it! When you ask for him, I assume it's about him, not me. Fuck you and your sexism.


Grams wants me to sue the other driver. Part of me wants to just to cover the therapy sessions for the rest of eternity, but I can't sue that easily in Canada. I'm not on pain killers and it doesn't really hinder my ability to work though I am thinking of not taking the grading job next term because wow it really hurt last time to grade 12 hours straight, but I'm not sure if that counts. I just feel like shit really.

Since the accident some of my neck muscles have gone berserk and I basically have to reteach them how to function properly. So far it's half an hour a day of stretching and exercises, and every day the pain grows and my posture worsens and left alone long enough there comes the headaches. I need that massage to sort it all out so I can last another few days. I have three therapy sessions a week (two massage, one physio), and it's $400/week out of pocket. Here's to hoping my insurance isn't that much a douche and will still pay up.

(no subject)

For the past two years I've lost weight at a steady rate of half of a pound a month. If it was a plateau breaking month, it could be 1 pound or even 2 pounds. It's why despite the fact I've been dieting for so long and only starting at a bit overweight to begin with, I'm still at the upper end of a healthy weight. I'm OK with the slow progress though because I haven't gained anything back minus a couple pounds.

In the past two weeks though I've lost 4 pounds. I don't know if I should be ecstatic or not. The only thing I did differently was one day I cooked sweet potato enchiladas (omg so good), and I doubt all that cheese helped. Even with a cheating sugar binge to the point of a sugar headache, I lost weight. Darren's new exercise regimen could've have kicked in late for weight loss, but I expected the opposite to happen actually; weight gain from all the strength training (I even injured myself a few weeks ago because of it and got a nice talking to from the school nurse about too much training. Whoops.). I really hope this isn't water loss, which I don't think so anyway because it's been a gradual loss over 2 weeks.

So I have a new record! 4 pounds in two weeks. Think I can do more? Really, I only have two pounds until my trivial goal I set two years ago!

(no subject)

Scientific illustration is totally awesome. I job shadowed an editor this week and one of the artists there let me check out everything she does too. There was just two drawbacks. Although her class of 2008 had a 100% hire rate before graduation, that's no longer the case. My university has been flooding the market too quickly it seems, so most people are moving down south to the US or freelancing. I'd rather a steady job and Kiel is completely against going near the US.

The other issue is salary; starting pay in the US according to google is 50k-ish, and I found one job posting paying 47k for only 26 hours a week straight from university. It seems like Canada is more like 30k though. Average senior positions in the US get only 70k, so Canada is probably crap. Considering I pretty much have a guaranteed computer job at IBM which starts at 60k, and within 10 years could be 6 figures, I'm hesitant on this. Then again, most computer jobs nowadays are switching from permanent to 3-6 month contracts and I really, really don't want contract work.

Still, I want that job so much. I think I'll be a big girl though and try out the computer field for another year or two. If I hate it, I'll go back to school. That's responsible, right?


Speaking of contract work, Kiel's job is up in April. Ughhh. I hope he can find another job. I really don't want to do part time work again during the school year.


My new fitness trainer Darren is completely awesome. He's worked me out harder than I ever have before. For the first time in my life I can even touch my toes! I'm also getting ab dimples!

I raided my closet to see if I could fit into my old skinny clothes. It was awesome putting on clothes I bought for when I started IBM; they were so huge. Even my skinny clothes were big! Most of my closet has now been emptied. Now I just need money to go shopping!

(no subject)

Not having classes and work is completely awesome. I so needed this break.

I'm spending this break cleaning and setting up my apartment. Kiel and I still have our den blocked off by puzzle pieces and boxes. We went to the store yesterday to buy bookcases on rollers to function as a door (I can't actually buy a door or a gate because they require drilling into the wall), when a new idea came to my mind as we were walking through the bedroom section of Ikea. They had this really old looking wardrobe that reminded me a lot of Narnia. I never saw the movie, just the book, but it's exactly how I pictured it to look in the book. Then I saw an open wardrobe, went inside, realized I fit, and thus the bookcase idea was tossed out.

We're now buying a wardrobe and not putting the backing in. Just slide the door open and walk inside. This eliminates the problem of moving bookcases around. It's also $11 cheaper!


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My grandfather has apparently also put this picture up in his workplace and wants me to modify it slightly so he can use it in his presentations and such. He's such a supportive family man.

(no subject)

I'm not a recipe person. Everything I cook is just random stuff I think will taste good together. Recipes are good for telling me how long something like chicken should be cooked for or to give me ideas if I want something completely new, but that's it.

Today though I (mostly) followed a recipe. I planned on making meatballs only to find this morning I didn't have either tomatoes or canned tomatoes. I always put some sauce inside the meatball and then boil them in tomato sauce. It lets me make homemade sauce at the same time too! Kiel thought it was really bizarre I make meatballs with tomato sauce as part of the meatball, but I was clueless how to do it otherwise. Google told me a way to bake them. How cool I thought; just plop them in the oven and walk away!

The eggs came out of the meatballs. How that happens I have no idea. But after they were cooked there was a cooked layer of egg on the bottom of the pan. That'll teach me to follow recipes.

(no subject)

I realized yesterday that Kiel's and my loan payments are only $13 less than what I make in a month. Our total bills are twice what I make. Our immediate savings are quickly diminishing. I figure in about two months we'll have to start dipping into our retirement/emergency money.

I also really need to go clothes shopping. I have one pair of pants and absolutely no winter coat that fits. It's starting to get too cold for the only jacket I have. Ugh. I don't want to spend money I don't have. From now on, I guess there'll be no more dates between Kiel and I. We don't spend much anyway, but it's really the only thing I can think of to save money on.

Kiel's jumped back into the job hunt since we don't know WTF is going on with the company that hired him.

In other news, my weight loss is still really weird. It's kind of awesome that for the first time in my life I have a waist. It's not so awesome that my ribs are starting to show all while my belly jiggles and jumps around like a sex maniac. Body, did you forget I have fat at the bottom of my stomach? Remove that! Thanks.

On the bright side of my body refusing to remove stomach fat, making me lose fat everywhere else: I have killer legs. It's weird too. They have dimples from the muscles. I've never seen dimples like this before except for really toned people. It's hilarious I have it with my jiggly belly.

By the way, Glee is the most awesome, happiest show ever.

(no subject)

In the past couple of weeks, I've had several mild panic attacks. I've been down this road before with depression and it's something I want to avoid at all costs. Last time I avoided it by having to drop out of university. I'm trying not to be so drastic now, but the stress is still way too high. My solution for now is to meet the minimum requirements of a full time student by dropping to only three classes. Even with that I'm busting my ass off all day every day. For this coming up week, I figured out my workload to be 70 hours. Busy work of 70 hours wouldn't be as much of a problem. Unfortunately a lot of it is learning though, and I need constant breaks with that.

I also haven't worked out in about three weeks and all I want to do is move around like a maniac. I did go running once in the rain when it was about 5 C because as much as I hate running, I just needed to physically do something!

So I've come up with a plan that may be disastrous or amazing to get my life back on its feet. Every morning I'm going to go for a short jog, 1.5 miles in 20 minutes. Then I'm going to spend 9 hours dedicated to school stuff, but not just to studying/sitting in class. In that time I will also bus it to and from school, eat, walk to class, go downtown, attend meetings, and other non productive but necessary stuff. This will be 9-6, 10-7, or 11-8, depending on if I cook in the morning. After those 9 hours I will do whatever the fuck I want. If my grades take a hit, so be it. I just don't care anymore (my lack of caring for my grades has really surprised me within the last couple weeks) and I need to get out of this depression before it gets worse.

My grades should be OK anyway. I'm currently hold two A+'s and one B+'s. The B+ will be the worst grade on my transcript especially if goes down, but eh, I'm allowed a bad semester.

For good news: Bathroom furniture and the bedroom wardrobe are now finally complete! Horrah! Kiel and I have also found a solution for the den which Squishy cannot be trusted in. We need shelves and a door of some sort, except that since I'm renting I can't drill in the walls. Kiel last week took me to Ikea as a gift--OMFG I love walking through that store--and we saw the best, though very expensive, solution. They allow you to put together your own shelving, wide or thin, tall or short, and since the short ones generally comes with legs, the tall ones have been drilled for leg support too. So we're buying about 6 thin bookcases and putting casters on them and making a door out of them. It'll be 3 bookcases wide, and each bookcase will have another one attached onto it on the other side. This allows for shelving on both sides of the bookcase and avoids an unnecessary huge shelf where stuff gets put in the back never to be seen again. It'll block the entire entrance to the den, and the casters will let us use it as a door. :D

Also, there needs to be an apartment friendly furniture store. Finding furniture for a place where you can't drill sucks.